I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
