He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize