I'm drive I can fine osifer
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
