Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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