I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
