Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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