i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
