Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
