Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
