I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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