I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
