the new term for farting is butt boxing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
