I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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