i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
