i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
