my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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