before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
