I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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