We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
