garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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