i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
