He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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