I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
