i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
