just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
