Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
