I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
