So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
how does that bad decision feel?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
