I wish I could punch you in the face.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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