tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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