Can i not drive my cunt home
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
