Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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