Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
