I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize