forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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