the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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