Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
