i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
