you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
