I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
