Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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