You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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