I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
