What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize