whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
