and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
