It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
