Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
