$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
where are my eyebrows?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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