i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
