I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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