You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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