Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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