i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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