i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
