Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
