Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
