Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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