his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
