Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
