You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
