Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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