i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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