I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
